hazecitron

call me
sometime
Adam in
the garden
of midsummer eve
today
just wanted to feel
that round plastic on
my hips one more time
droppin' tears
droppin' seeds
suntime, this is it
when I'm
most alive
keep dancin'
to throw
'em off but
gotta cry
as soon as
I'm alone
afraid to get cut
open again
I told 'em
to take it out
what the fuck else
could anyone want
I cannot
I brushed my hair
today in the mirror
in my bra
and underwear
wet dreams
reminded of a time
in high school
young
doing my hair
makeup
kilt to my knees
multicoloured
ribbony scrunchies
blue and green
eyeshadows imagining
to myself
someday I'll be older
grown out
pretty
have a boyfriend
a motorcycle
it's funny
better in some ways
freedom is how
you perceive
your life
I can blend
disappear
I know
stay strong
but damn
five surgeries in
and hey
I got this
kinda don't
shaking
I'll dance one more time
and I'll cry

how ya feel?
how ya feel?

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jellyking summer

jerkin it off 

wide eyed 

to the sunrise

won’t lie

but 

I’ll hide mine

if you hide yours 

rose tinted frames babe

let’s not 

I’d rather 

get lost

down every road 

follow me

or don’t 

love is easy

we all know

I do strange things

attract strange types

can’t help but find 

the walls exhale out 

towards aquatic expanses 

I walk to the water

always towards the water 

where you feel 

disoriented like you’re not

quite where you were just 

a moment ago 

got an imagination 

take the Empress like a pirate

portals, pathways

if you knew the spirits

that mingled in my words

evil ways babe 

you’d have let me

run away long

so long ago 

makehave

hot damn

god lit 

the sky 

with our eyescape

time, human 

invention 

oh my

distance, perception 

streetcar 

metro

little oval window

fastrack 

past wondering 

why

meshed neurological 

skycrack to

your mouth 

open

sweet nectarine 

juicy

feel the scars in me

been cut 

help yourself

inside and 

when you’re gone 

cruising long paved stretches

think of this 

time is a dream

liquid, fertile 

seeds in soil

strum it while

I’m panting here 

spinning 

whirling dervish kitten 

put it 

onto my shivering 

open blossom

I’ll come

to kiss you again and against

white birch and cedar

I promise

lakelaps

got the blues 

but the blues ain’t got me 

naked, open window 

curtainless

let ’em see

need some time 

away 

when I watch the ferry 

depart and arrive

arrive and depart 

I can predict 

this is going 

nowhere fast 

I tell myself

violent beginnings

have violent ends 

but damn 

these tepid waters 

can hardly make a 

splash 

on dirty needs

deepdreams

go before 

go before the curtains close 

distance pedalled 

flame fading

like a sodden cigarette 

never underestimate 

the voices in your 

gut

what made you say what

choices 

playd8

smile bright 

god is sunshine

melting laughter

out the gutter 

something right 

weak hands 

kisses, hugs

keeping straight faced

getting high 

rolling circles 

round my cuboid 

you’re not a big drinker 

and I get so serious 

don’t know what time it was 

lookin’ so perfect 

high hopes

though there’s fire 

burning in the distance 

forever after 

doesn’t exist 

groovy 

baby spin it 

forget 

like the first time 

like the last time 

right now 

right now we got sunshine 

god is light reflecting

off your eyes 

Heartbeats

slippin’
I’ll just keep on
stay with this
ice snow drifts
wheels runnin’ in the dirt
want me to fix it
I’m tired, a kitten
alternating realities, this
psychosomatic whirlwind
it’s feeding
the lights could be dimmer
draining,
succulence
plant ginger, plant garlic
perhaps it could grow
in the frigid window
really
just focus, breathing
avocado stay moist
one day, just maybe
you’ll become a tree
our thoughts turn
to words
symbols, reality
sewing seeds
when we talk about
escapades, reveries
little curlicues of stories
open to windows
to worlds
thank you for sharing
music with me
your soul
your laughter
have a nip
a taste of that
sweet nectar
with me

Love again

  

I want to talk about love. That indescribable, ever-evolving feeling that we can’t stand but can never get enough of. I’m the type of person that can fall, hard. That reach for the moon, over the fence, word series kinda stuff. If wearing your heart on your sleeve is something, I wear mine as a whole damn outfit. 

I have nothing to hide. Look at me, feel me, and most importantly – talk to me. Tell me your story, your pain, tell me about the shadowy stuff you hide in the dark crevices of your psyche that you’re afraid to air out. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. 

Judgment happens when you don’t love yourself. You find small things that irk you in others and you blow them up. That person then represents everything you hate in society, they exude it, they’re dripping with it. I have been that girl many times. 

God I can’t believe she did that. She’s so…

Now. I tend to shut down when this happens. We’ve got one life to live, and if you’re sat around worrying about how others compose theirselves, maybe you need to dance a little. Let go of that time you weren’t recognized, that time someone made you feel like garbage, get outside. 

People are beautiful, we are unstoppable. We hug, we smile, we cook meals and get covered in dirt. We climb mountains, we kiss kittens, we dive down into shipwrecks. We pick others up who are in pain.

That, that’s what love is. 

When someone is hurting, you don’t shoot them down more. Make them feel worse. When someone is spiralling into bad behaviour, you don’t kick them and tell them they’re bad. You squeeze them and tell them it’s okay and you go for a walk together. 

If you’re invited to my house, drink my gin and wear my prettiest dress and make a mess and tell me all about what you did today. Cause when there’s passion in your eyes you’ve got such a pretty face. I won’t make fun of you. We can use my best blanket and get it all grimy in the grass and I’ll make us lunch with my best ingredients as long as you’ll tell me what’s upsetting you about your parents. 

Love is never having to hide who you are. And I’m so in love with the world I don’t hide much. So if one of these days you find me all messed up, all I need is a hug. 

And that day it happens to you, I’ll be there to hold you too.