I’ll make a living, trying to get away
10,000 phantoms, I’ll turn the tide away
It can never pull me away
Time is standing still
You’re the treasure
Dive down deeper
When I was a little girl, I remember spinning around on the playground alone. I liked to just wisp away in circles until my head got dizzy and light and I’d fall right over. I would sit in the dirt, hands filled with soil, digging up ants and letting them crawl around on my fingers. I liked how they would always keep on marching, their bobbling little globey bodies busily moving about, always somewhere to go. I’d pull the balls of their torso apart, watching the honey-like goo drip in the middle, eating it.
I was always afraid of spiders. Whirling and twirling one day, the blur of life hurling itself around me making me stumble, regaining focus on my prepubescent chest I saw Her there. Mother Spider, the one cleverly nicknamed Daddy Longlegs, I lost my breath, spinning faster. Too afraid to touch her with my hands, I hoped she would fall away if I just swirled a little harder.
I would cry whenever I saw spiders after that, begging my daddy to come and kill them. I was afraid of Her mystery, Her power. How quietly she spins her web, waiting, connecting, preying. Her all-seeing eyes, her prowess. We’re afraid of what we can’t accept in ourselves. I stopped accepting my divine femininity at a very young age.
I’ll allow Her to introduce Herself, the Lady of many names, she goes by Indra, Lila, Ma, Gaia. The wild nubile girl, the bearing yet forceful mother, the old crone. I’ve known since a very young age, that God couldn’t just be a big man in the sky. He and She must come together. And He and She may just exist in me.
We used to play another game when I was in grade school, we’d press our palms on each others necks, up against walls until we passed out. It would feel like hours, days, off in that dreamy-space, but it would only be seconds. I’d see whales along unpredicted shores and Looney Tunes characters asking me to dance more. Then I’d be back.
Sometimes falling in love is kind of like that,
Ain’t it Jack?