playd8

smile bright 

god is sunshine

melting laughter

out the gutter 

something right 

weak hands 

kisses, hugs

keeping straight faced

getting high 

rolling circles 

round my cuboid 

you’re not a big drinker 

and I get so serious 

don’t know what time it was 

lookin’ so perfect 

high hopes

though there’s fire 

burning in the distance 

forever after 

doesn’t exist 

groovy 

baby spin it 

forget 

like the first time 

like the last time 

right now 

right now we got sunshine 

god is light reflecting

off your eyes 

paradigm

used to pray

rosary beads

spider gods 

extraterrestrial

jiggly elephants

dark, gapingness 

wide-eyed

waiting for nothing

mandalas

the magical mystery bus 

the centre of 

meaningless 

but when moonlight

creeps down the staircase 

there’s beauty again

when flowers bloom

feeling sunlight, music

good sex

I believe if I shed 

it all, my skin 

white, shiny wet 

bones and pumping heart 

beauty is quick 

passing moments 

shifts in perspective 

beneath frail words

tapered lifestyles on screens

sculpted thoughts 

just wanna pop that 

juicy blackberry 

in my mouth 

and forget 

let go of it

a spiralling world 

of beliefs, pretty things

hold on to the 

shiny gold tassel of good

the kind ones 

soft hearts 

acceptance

we are okay

just the way we are 

without filter 

Heartbeats

slippin’
I’ll just keep on
stay with this
ice snow drifts
wheels runnin’ in the dirt
want me to fix it
I’m tired, a kitten
alternating realities, this
psychosomatic whirlwind
it’s feeding
the lights could be dimmer
draining,
succulence
plant ginger, plant garlic
perhaps it could grow
in the frigid window
really
just focus, breathing
avocado stay moist
one day, just maybe
you’ll become a tree
our thoughts turn
to words
symbols, reality
sewing seeds
when we talk about
escapades, reveries
little curlicues of stories
open to windows
to worlds
thank you for sharing
music with me
your soul
your laughter
have a nip
a taste of that
sweet nectar
with me

Plaestasione

money grow hard
cold and straight
hard eyed
thick doobie to your lips
green buds like hey
good morning
terpenes
drip while I make
another bacon and egg sandwich and
good morning
silk flowing from my nostrils
mountain martian station
mind wanders to children
of the corn and shining
Jack-like eyes streaming through
slammed in jaded doorways
perception is stalks I
grow alone and bold
strong and full of colour
no shame, no promise
when you can’t allow the sight
of hot eyes or hear sighs
groping yelps while I hold my thighs
I tossed my wallet like my self
my esteem was the only thing
that didn’t make me animal
if you think this is treason
I’ll throw up my thumb
a Kerouac white flag a
sigh you won’t hear
I’m just a messenger
life’s still a bitch
no matter how pretty
you might think her face is

Everybody’s gotta learn sometimes 

  

Change your heart, it will astound you.

Attachment to a specific outcome, expecting things to turn out the way you planned will always cause you to suffer. The more I think something is gonna go a certain way, the more intrigued I am to watch how it unfolds through a series of events I’d never have been able to imagine.

I saw a guy once with “It changes like the weather” tattooed in a rough, dark typeface across his forearm. I fell in love with him immediately. I never got his name. I expected that I would at least talk to him. We never made eye contact.

I always liked breaking the rules so much growing up: sneaking out of my bedroom at night, blowing cigarette smoke out my window, walking out of class. It’s ironic how I spent so much time crying and fussing over all the moments life took my rules and smashed them in my face.

Like that time I thought he’d show up.

When my steaks weren’t bloody enough over that campfire and under the moon.

Or when she didn’t lunge herself at me and tell me I was her one and only forever. 

That’s okay, let it get weird in this chapter, see where it takes you. I used to do improv when I was a teenager and one of the biggest rules in the game is: always say yes. As soon as you break down the scene and try to control it, “No! We’re at a gas station not the pizza parlour,” you lose your captivated audience. 

You’re the actors starring in the movie of your life. Your higher You and your little you. You know when you say “I can’t stand living with myself”? That’s the higher you having enough of your ego. Two partners on stage disagreeing about what they’re doing. Let them hold hands, feel each other out. One needs the other for survival. We created this dualism in order to evolve as beings.

Have fun with it.  

Only your little you gets upset about how the way things should be. When you allow yourself to just be, when the story is all out of loop but you’re still stood there smilin, damn is it ever pretty.