bitblues

y’all know, you’re amazing
every single one of you
the man with the Subaru fucking
motor powered yellow cycle on
the metro, talking to a teddy
I may be a young soul
naïve
trippin’ like Alice, after a rabbit
so fast, so easily
read earlier today
when you give it away
like that, well damn
it’s cause you don’t really know
what it is
what it means
buuuuut
I like to think I do
when you see an old man
in the retirement home
they hired you onto
on a whim
playing the accordion
and he asks you to go
to Mary Brown’s with him
just for lunch b’y
but you have to say no
and it’s breaks your heart
‘cause it’s policy
I give
I’ll sweep the floors and
clean the oven if you ask nice
smiles
the special needs boy in grade camp
told everyone I was his girlfriend
that he’d saved my life
drowning in a pond
don’t really know what it is
love
handin’ it out like free candy
sure damn do
like to think I
appreciate it
ok
sometimes it’s bigger than that
someone quivering
in your arms
or even the opposite
months of no contact
just words
“hey,
hello, hello.”
when they pick up the phone
or touch you while you
inhale
carebearin’ comes easy
for someone like me
a tomboy, soft lips
I know not much of this
will make ever make sense
waiting for Godot
a country road. a tree.
evening.

I know I like
to make love
far more often
than an average human
being
like maybe
I should be
in group therapy
let’s all hold hands
we are
the folk that fly
to foreign lands
for the far chance
that maybe there’s someone
like Jack Kerouac
who’s still alive
who the fuck knows man
if he’s handsome
tell him
what’s the worst that could happen

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phantomdream

delirious bliss, panting
on top
that feeling when you
realize you did it
now you can exhale
goosebumps
over oceans
alone and empty
a vessel, a breath
like open windows
cool summer breezes
the smell of cedar and smoke
the soft sound of fingertips
hitting characters
water boiling
bird sounds
planting seeds
watch me
fall in love
with the world
come
time expanding like
an open chalice
heartwide
sunshine dripping out
the windowpane
home again
sweet space
between nature, nurture
ripples in the skyline
safe earthly haven
awaiting

playd8

smile bright 

god is sunshine

melting laughter

out the gutter 

something right 

weak hands 

kisses, hugs

keeping straight faced

getting high 

rolling circles 

round my cuboid 

you’re not a big drinker 

and I get so serious 

don’t know what time it was 

lookin’ so perfect 

high hopes

though there’s fire 

burning in the distance 

forever after 

doesn’t exist 

groovy 

baby spin it 

forget 

like the first time 

like the last time 

right now 

right now we got sunshine 

god is light reflecting

off your eyes 

Heartbeats

slippin’
I’ll just keep on
stay with this
ice snow drifts
wheels runnin’ in the dirt
want me to fix it
I’m tired, a kitten
alternating realities, this
psychosomatic whirlwind
it’s feeding
the lights could be dimmer
draining,
succulence
plant ginger, plant garlic
perhaps it could grow
in the frigid window
really
just focus, breathing
avocado stay moist
one day, just maybe
you’ll become a tree
our thoughts turn
to words
symbols, reality
sewing seeds
when we talk about
escapades, reveries
little curlicues of stories
open to windows
to worlds
thank you for sharing
music with me
your soul
your laughter
have a nip
a taste of that
sweet nectar
with me

Plaestasione

money grow hard
cold and straight
hard eyed
thick doobie to your lips
green buds like hey
good morning
terpenes
drip while I make
another bacon and egg sandwich and
good morning
silk flowing from my nostrils
mountain martian station
mind wanders to children
of the corn and shining
Jack-like eyes streaming through
slammed in jaded doorways
perception is stalks I
grow alone and bold
strong and full of colour
no shame, no promise
when you can’t allow the sight
of hot eyes or hear sighs
groping yelps while I hold my thighs
I tossed my wallet like my self
my esteem was the only thing
that didn’t make me animal
if you think this is treason
I’ll throw up my thumb
a Kerouac white flag a
sigh you won’t hear
I’m just a messenger
life’s still a bitch
no matter how pretty
you might think her face is

Dubium Sunshine

I try to hide the things I don’t want to see.
And if my mind goes crazy I will follow your lead.

The doctor’s knife
is mighty sharp
dipping into parts
of me,
Don’t cry ’cause
if you do,
I will too,
and that’s not going to
do either of us any good
now will it, sweetie?

And it’s funny how,
it’s so much easier
behind a screen
to have these talks
the words,
they come out clean,
we have time to refine
our thoughts and feelings
and thank god
we don’t have to deal
with facial expressions
or an awkward silence
in between

So she emailed me,
the time and day
when I’d show up
forgetting slippers and strip
down to my underwear,
using that knitted sweater
I look pretty in
as a comfort blanket,
and it’s been a long time
since I’ve had an Ativan
so that’s really nice
and using the baby IV,
that’s really sweet

Let the medicine
trickle into me gently,
I’ve spent enough time
thinking anything less
could actually hurt me
I shudder at that
creeping feeling
of needing,
how it found its way out
like a worm

The desire
to be caressed or
kissed on the neck,
I’m kind of glad that
He never got to feel
me wrap my toes
around his Achilles’ heel
it would have hurt,
to feel someone hate that

So now I can focus,
on the matter at hand
this process must be
done in solitude these
altercations of the heart
the slicing of that
which doesn’t serve me
petty liaisons are
the least of my worries,
And I’m glad,
when they put on the gas mask
and I’m happy,
to cut out another piece
’cause who needed it anyway

It’s just blood tithings, babe.

So thanks for sending this over
let me just fax a response
after I’ve cleared my head
I’ll just email you my blood work
and my heart scans,
print out a prescription
for opiates and yes,
I’ll be careful with them,
they are damn nice for that pang
though I’ll have to admit

And I’ll try to
forgive myself for all the
“I should have knowns,”
while I’m lying in bed
replaying scenarios, like
cheeseburgers on Valentines
sure I’ll be okay, even though
I have this nasty tendency
to faint you know
but off I go with no breakfast,
stay in bed and sleep,
and I know I repeat myself
when I drink too much it’s
like an anxious tick

The impending doom
of a knife, reminds me
that these organs are not
to be toyed with,
real heartache is not
something I need to deal with,
outside of the contraption
that’s been sliding around
inside of me, trying to
gather information
about the algorithms
of my heart beat,
and I really don’t need to
distract myself with these
haphazard romantic antics,
these fake pirouettes
I’ve been trying to dance, just to
impress nobody

So for now, I’ll allow
the scars and mistakes
They’ve made me who I am
even now while I’m
drifting out of consciousness,
I know that all of this it
happens for a reason,
So thanks for holding my hand up
to the scary part and letting me
deal with this on my own

Crazy I will follow your lead.