Change your heart, it will astound you.
Attachment to a specific outcome, expecting things to turn out the way you planned will always cause you to suffer. The more I think something is gonna go a certain way, the more intrigued I am to watch how it unfolds through a series of events I’d never have been able to imagine.
I saw a guy once with “It changes like the weather” tattooed in a rough, dark typeface across his forearm. I fell in love with him immediately. I never got his name. I expected that I would at least talk to him. We never made eye contact.
I always liked breaking the rules so much growing up: sneaking out of my bedroom at night, blowing cigarette smoke out my window, walking out of class. It’s ironic how I spent so much time crying and fussing over all the moments life took my rules and smashed them in my face.
Like that time I thought he’d show up.
When my steaks weren’t bloody enough over that campfire and under the moon.
Or when she didn’t lunge herself at me and tell me I was her one and only forever.
That’s okay, let it get weird in this chapter, see where it takes you. I used to do improv when I was a teenager and one of the biggest rules in the game is: always say yes. As soon as you break down the scene and try to control it, “No! We’re at a gas station not the pizza parlour,” you lose your captivated audience.
You’re the actors starring in the movie of your life. Your higher You and your little you. You know when you say “I can’t stand living with myself”? That’s the higher you having enough of your ego. Two partners on stage disagreeing about what they’re doing. Let them hold hands, feel each other out. One needs the other for survival. We created this dualism in order to evolve as beings.
Have fun with it.
Only your little you gets upset about how the way things should be. When you allow yourself to just be, when the story is all out of loop but you’re still stood there smilin, damn is it ever pretty.