patchwork

shattered glass
we stain
mosaic forming
colourful broken
truthmap blooming
from my soul, yours to
slowly pull shards
sharp out from my chest
stomach, mind
suppressed stories
I tried to
break, burn, smash
only burrowed deeper
knotted fragments
held so long inside
freedom, spilling
all of it
you place
your hands lightly
on the snake winding
around my body
swallowing its tail
scars grown over
character
smashing psyche remnants
sharing fragments
we build our own
sri yantra
your shardpieces
fit alongside mine
coded art within our
deconstructed messes
peer into this abyss
my heart
slipping into spiralling
mandalas, we become
one
reborn rising
hand in hand
polychromatic ashes
all we’ve
ever loved
our colourscape
a masterpiece

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sunmachine

I like it consistent

tearing open the head

heartwings

spirit curlicues spreading

from all directions

out from me

can’t help but

break the ego

cracked like an egg

again

and again

letting go of

gooey entrails

spreading from

between my fingertips

practice baby

practice makes perfect

the fear of what

you might see

dark, deep

real parts

cider exchanges pain

the sheer shirt doesn’t

hide it

hornwing

can’t stop dancing

tiptoeing across

existential dread

limbo bent over

little thoughts

dangle out the psyche

never ending thread

swirling from the

centre of my forehead

knitted

little playthings

colours follow

through they

swirl, rainbow dragonflies

my insides

alien pixie

wings to set me free

distant lands

you can follow

if you please

All I Need

wet lotus, dripping
freedom February
spiderweb reflections
muses
to be
surrounded by
inspiration
it’s about the eyes
never really
been looked at
quite like that
it’s different
every time
that which cannot
be named
jinx
slipped into my skin
flowery, buttoned blouse
soft, green jacket
shiny concrete, Sneaks
tequila, nachos
lost friends
amigos
two lions, Leos
boundary blossoming garden
surrounding my heart
fragile centre, flowering
held
atop the
bank tower
humid, mid-winter post-rain
magic, spring evening
curated
ladder descending
back down to earth
practical, don’t you
fall now
you looked in between
into the flower
while I sat atop
rejoicing our liberty
soft gaze
mind-bend into me
special gem
(but why do I have to put on clothes?)
sprawled
into the late afternoon
perfect, curving
slipped so nicely
small cave
inward, it’s over
the search
fallen away
left with
how you sighed

delay

little soul

likes to

vocalize

aches

dance

pain

she wants to

hold you

let you breathe

big heavy sighs

honey builds stories

tall towers

inevitable, a tumble

dreamscapes, imaginings

kinetic blocks of sound and colour

she builds them these

sentimental eruptions

that fall to pieces

they must

we all fall

to put and end to

these huge explosions

pointless

wouldn’t it be nice

eschewing sentiment and feeling

love is madness, chaos

suffering perspective

the pain could stop

but then, the pleasure goes too

pain is only breath

eclectic electromagnetic
brainstorms swish into
motion every morning
into momentum
been programmed
to function at overcapacity
what do you mean
I need to stop
be unproductive not contribute
can’t not work what do you mean
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe I can’t I need to be
alone in my room hold it in for
five-four-three-two-one
hold it inside for two and out
five-four-three-two-one
ever since I flew and
life got ripped from my hands
what I thought was control
on the surface, trying to remain
in tact, smiling in conversation
I function I’m ok,
this whole back and forth, expected
to show up
smiles and transactions
mentally breaking
psychologically drifting
into caffeine into
friends looking out for you
broken bird
pounce
wing flicking out
bone shard
sliding beneath skin
cracking, popping bone inside
like a broken piano key, part of me
to have for always
unless they cut me
my choice
dig into this
brokenness
put my heart, soul under
microscope, let’s see
how much I hurt
let’s see, how much
I can handle before I
sign out
how little I can go on before
I lose it completely
grasp on reality
ripping hospital bands
off of my wrist
goddamnit
don’t want another surgery
resist! resist! it’s a lesson!
must embrace it! flower child!
bullshit.
in denial, tripping
into this ether of unemployed nihilism
opinions torn
don’t fucking know anymore
been trying
anything
work, don’t work
work, work harder
break
make everyone happy
believe in yourself
harder
mantra: I am so much more
than scooping mac and cheese
I believe!
cracking open my body
a small stepping stone
to find stillness
forced to write
nothing left
but to put mind down
in words
forced to stop in a world
that does not
no more ignoring
the dull, inside ache
always wondered
what chronic felt like
whether I’d be able to handle it
if I’d need to take pills
it’s small
large, then small once again
like holding the breath
for two and then exhaling out
once again

teahouse

mind games fall aside

when you see them

small, little person

gliding along the edges of

the grandiose ma

her jagged, curvaceous

monstrosity of a soul

incapsulating all

massive biodome, jutting

pyramids, swirling aqua

sparkling around

shimmering sandbanks

hundred thousand year old

dirty ice hunks

you want to lick

if this mountain were a woman, I’d ask her to sit on my face.

fuck overpriced parking spots

fancy hotels, air-mattresses

just pull in to the Great Divide

slide beside the German or Dutch tourists they can watch through their fancy RV window

while I slice this

white duct-taped piece of plastic

in millions of circles

through the air

pull down the seats

lay out blankets

listen to Blind Willie Johnson

and drink bourbon

when the wildfire smoke

cleared away and I could really

see Her Majesty

when I could really feel you

hypersensitive, my heart

softens to your touch

cold rocks and soft skin

overwhelming

the sheer sight of your nakedness

stretching for miles

dancing dust

hold my hand, my soul

bitblues

y’all know, you’re amazing
every single one of you
the man with the Subaru fucking
motor powered yellow cycle on
the metro, talking to a teddy
I may be a young soul
naïve
trippin’ like Alice, after a rabbit
so fast, so easily
read earlier today
when you give it away
like that, well damn
it’s cause you don’t really know
what it is
what it means
buuuuut
I like to think I do
when you see an old man
in the retirement home
they hired you onto
on a whim
playing the accordion
and he asks you to go
to Mary Brown’s with him
just for lunch b’y
but you have to say no
and it’s breaks your heart
‘cause it’s policy
I give
I’ll sweep the floors and
clean the oven if you ask nice
smiles
the special needs boy in grade camp
told everyone I was his girlfriend
that he’d saved my life
drowning in a pond
don’t really know what it is
love
handin’ it out like free candy
sure damn do
like to think I
appreciate it
ok
sometimes it’s bigger than that
someone quivering
in your arms
or even the opposite
months of no contact
just words
“hey,
hello, hello.”
when they pick up the phone
or touch you while you
inhale
carebearin’ comes easy
for someone like me
a tomboy, soft lips
I know not much of this
will make ever make sense
waiting for Godot
a country road. a tree.
evening.

I know I like
to make love
far more often
than an average human
being
like maybe
I should be
in group therapy
let’s all hold hands
we are
the folk that fly
to foreign lands
for the far chance
that maybe there’s someone
like Jack Kerouac
who’s still alive
who the fuck knows man
if he’s handsome
tell him
what’s the worst that could happen